In the Style of Shakespeare
An Ode to That Most Noble Procedure of Inner Exploration
O blessed scope of healing's gentle art,
hou serpent-like yet benevolent device!
That dost with tender care explore each part Of mortal coil,
and render sage advice.
Though some may quake before thy preparation,
That purging draft of most unpleasant taste,
'Tis but a small and temporary station
Before thy work doth make all worry waste.
Let mortals sing thy praises far and wide,
For thou dost save more lives than sword or shield,
A humble hero with no need for pride,
Yet mighty in the healing thou dost yield.
In the Style of Banjo Paterson
There's a tale I have to tell you of a ride that's rather queer,
Not on horseback through the ranges, but inside your body here,
Where a little scope goes riding through the curves and bends with care,
Like a stockman on a circuit, checking cattle everywhere.
Now the prep's a bit unpleasant, and it makes the strongest quake, Like a greenhorn on a bronco feeling every muscle shake, But the old hands know it's worth it, though the medicine tastes rough, For it clears the track completely of unwanted bits and stuff.
So here's to all the doctors with their scopes of modern day, Who ride the inner country in their own peculiar way, They're the heroes of the clinic, keeping watch both night and noon, Like the riders of the ranges 'neath the Southern Cross and moon.
In the Style of Donald Trump
Rally-Style Speech on Colonoscopy
Folks, let me tell you about colonoscopies - and believe me, I know colonoscopies. I've talked to the best doctors, the absolute best doctors in the world, and they tell me - they say, "Sir, this is the most incredible procedure we've ever seen." The Democrats don't want you to know this, but it's true!
Now some people, they get scared, they start quaking - and I get it, I really do. The prep is not pleasant, folks. But you know what? We're Americans! We don't back down like Sleepy Joe would. We go in there, we get it done, and we make our colons great again!
CNN won't report this - fake news media never tells you the truth - but this procedure saves more lives than anything. More than anything! The doctors go in there with their beautiful scopes and find problems before they become disasters. So get your colonoscopy, folks. Don't let the radical left scare you away from great healthcare!